The “F-f-f” in “Fox”

Our son Benson was in kindergarten, struggling to learn the alphabet.  He was pretty good with A, B, C, W and X.  But he didn’t particularly care that there were 21 other letters.  Nor did he seem to care that each letter made a sound. 

He was starting to get behind in his class.  So one morning after the older kids left for school I turned to him and suggested the two of us go get a cup of coffee and work on some schoolwork together. 

He quickly grabbed his worksheets and we headed out the door.  When we got to the coffee shop he chose a table for us by the window, while I ordered him a hot chocolate and me a coffee.

Once we were both seated at the table he pulled out some of his homework papers and his crayons.  He was grinning, which we normally didn’t see when he was working on schoolwork.  I think he liked the idea of getting to be grown up for the morning, going for coffee to do homework.  I smiled back.

I looked at the first page which was all about the letter “D.”  There were pictures on the page, some beginning with the “D” sound, others not beginning with the “D” sound.  Ben was to color each picture that began with a “D” sound.

He cruised through the “D” page.  And I was prematurely thinking to myself, as I took another sip of coffee, that this might not be as difficult for him as we had thought it might be.

Just as Ben was turning to his second page, the “F” page, another mom came into the coffee shop with her daughter.  The girl appeared to be about Ben’s age.  I smiled at them both and the other mom acknowledged my silent greeting.

Ben was studying his “F” page, frowning in concentration.  This was the look we so often saw whenever he had to sit down to do schooling.  

The other mom walked to the counter, while her little girl adjusted her ponytail, then her tights.

“I don’t get this one,” Ben said in frustration.

“What don’t you get?” I asked.

“Which ones am I s’posed to color in?” he asked, in a hopeless tone.

“Okay, this page is the ‘F’ page.  The letter ‘F’ sounds like ‘f-f-f-f’,” I explained, making the “F-f-f” sound for him to hear.

“F-f-f,” Ben repeated, although not happily.

“Right,” I encouraged.  “What pictures on that page have a ‘f-f-f’ sound?”

Ben furrowed his brow some more as he pored over those pictures.  

“F-f-f,” he repeated to himself.

Meanwhile, the other mom came and sat down next to her daughter.  She smoothed out the little girl’s long hair. They were visiting quietly.  Then I turned back to Ben, who was frowning in misery.

“Van,” he said finally.

I explained that, although it was close, “van” actually has the “v-v-v” sound. And I again sounded out the “F-f-f” sound. “Do you hear ‘f-f-f’ in van?” I prodded.

He scowled again.  “No.”

“How about this one?” I asked, pointing to a picture of a bare foot.

“Foot,” Ben identified, still studying the page.  “Nope, I don’t hear the ‘f-f-f’ sound in that one either.”

I may have sagged down a little then.  As the realization was starting to sink in for me that the years of schooling ahead for Ben might be more difficult than I had assumed.

“Yes, you do hear the ‘f-f-f’ sound in ‘foot,’ Ben.  Hear it?  ‘F-f-f-foot.’” 

Ben just shook his head in utter bewilderment, and started coloring the foot purple. Clearly he did not hear the “f-f-f” in “foot.”  But if I said it was there then he would color the picture.

“Rainy,” I heard the little girl at the other table say.  “It’s a rainy day. Is that right?”

I wondered what they were working on.  And the answer came momentarily when the mom corrected her.

“No, ‘rainy’ is an adjective describing the noun, ‘day’.  We are talking about adverbs today.  Not adjectives.”

Holy cow!  I quickly brought my eyes back to our son, who was still scowling at the “F” page.  Our son, who was content to know five letters of the alphabet, and if they made sounds or not didn’t particularly concern him.

I may have sunk down in my chair a little at that point.  I’m not completely sure.  I just remember hoping that Ben could finish the “F” page without too much more talk or confusion.

“Mom!” he loudly interrupted my defeatist thoughts.  “Fox!  I hear the ‘f-f-f’ in ‘fox!’  So I guess I better color that one in!”

“Good job, Bud,” I nearly whispered.

“What color do you think I should color it, Mom?  Should I color the ‘f-f-f fox’ red or blue?” he said, triumph increasing his volume a little more.

I was about to encourage him to speak a little quieter, not wanting to distract the little girl and her mom who were working on adverbs.

And then I saw his face.  

He was beaming.  Delightedly wagging his head from side to side, all lit up inside.  He had chosen a red crayon to color his “f-f-f-fox” picture. 

I glanced over at the other table.  The little girl appeared to be enjoying herself less and less.  I couldn’t tell if she was upset, or searching for a sentence which highlighted an adverb.  I glanced briefly at her face, and then back at our son’s exuberant expression.

He was triumphantly coloring a red fox.  He stopped to take a sip of hot chocolate, and grinned at me with a little whipped cream mustache.  

I smiled back, inwardly ashamed of myself.  We had been concerned about his lack of progress in learning his letters. But in this moment I had felt embarrassed.  Embarrassed at my happy, easy-mannered child who just couldn’t quite master the sound of a letter which he didn’t know or care about, but was trying to learn because his dad and I seemed to think it was important.

In my shame I was reminded of how proud I am of him.  Benson is a nice kid.  He’s happy most of the time.  He tries. He’s kind.  He’s truthful.  He doesn’t know his parts of speech, or all of his letters and their sounds.  But he will some day.  And in the meantime, in the right now, I am fortunate to get to have coffee with him every once in a while.  To sit and work together on schoolwork.

Ben looked up right then and smiled at me again.  I smiled back, and took another sip of my coffee.  And someday, he will probably know the difference between an adjective and an adverb, too.  My hope is that he will always know the delight that he knew right at that moment.  When he finally heard the “f-f-f” in “fox.”

Postscript:  Ben is graduating with his Masters in Teaching today.  His dad and I think he will be a wonderful elementary teacher. He did end up learning all 26 letters, and their sounds.  I think he may even know the difference between an adjective and an adverb.  

And Ben, thanks for the coffee dates.  I love you much.  Mom