Just Clutter

One of the most frequent issues that comes up when I’m doing family counseling will have to do with the house being messy.  In fact, messiness and cleaning chores almost always arise as an issue in family counseling.  I hear from families that they have too much stuff, that they can’t keep their house clean because of it, and that it increases their stress.

“We never have anybody over anymore because our house is such a mess.”

“We have way too much stuff.  It’s taking over our house.”

“I think we’ve spoiled the kids by giving them too many things.”

“You can’t even sit down in our living room because there’s stuff everywhere.”

“The kids’ rooms are a mess, but then so is our room.”  

“I don’t even know where to begin anymore.  It seems like our house is beyond anything I know how to organize.”

We’ll start to focus on the topic of clutter.  Things. Stuff.

We as a culture have more things than ever before.  We’re spoiled.  And we’re spoiling our children.  As much as any parent will say that their children have way more things than they had growing up, what they don’t say is that they as children had way more than their parents had growing up.  It’s a multi-generational trend.  And it’s out of control.

I had a parent tell me in session the other day that he can’t get through his daughter’s room to repair something that needs repair.  “She has so much stuff on the floor, I don’t know where to step.  And then she’ll say she doesn’t have any clothes, and I think it’s because there are so many clothes on the floor, she doesn’t know what’s clean and what’s dirty.”

Stuff. Too much stuff. Which is gluttonous.  And ends up robbing us of our peace.

We’ve been in the process of trying to control some of the clutter at our house lately, too. We’ve taken on a room at a time, working to get rid of stuff.  Giving away what could be used by others whether it’s the used book store, the homeless shelter, the second-hand store, the food bank. Recycling whatever could be recycled.  And throwing away things that are beyond usefulness.  As each room is completed there’s a peacefulness to it which wasn’t there before our efforts.  The progress is slow-going.  But it is progress.  Room by room our house is becoming more peaceful.  Just by getting rid of the clutter.

I heard someone define clutter recently, and it’s gotten me thinking.  Clutter, the person said, is anything we choose to hang onto which doesn’t enrich our lives.  

Simple definition. One which covers a whole lot of things, actually.  Clutter doesn’t mean junk.  Clutter can mean just about anything, as long as it’s no longer useful or helpful.  And no longer enriches my life.

The books we’ve read, and will probably never re-read.  Why are we just collecting them when someone else could be reading them? Clothes the kids have outgrown, or ones we no longer wear.  Someone else could wear them.  Why are they still in the closets and dressers?  The food on the shelves which we don’t need, and won’t use.  Things which are broken but we’ve hated to get rid of for some reason.  Though the reason doesn’t really jump out at me.  Scraps of paper with phone numbers written on them.  Old toys no longer played with.  Pens which no longer write.  Kitchen containers without lids and lids without containers.  Other things whose usefulness has long since ended. If they’re no longer useful, they’ve become clutter.  All clutter.

None of these things have enriched my life.  The shelves of read books, the pantry full of food we won’t use, the clothes I no longer wear, the remote control to a television we no longer have, the broken cell phones, the kitchen gadgets I’ve never used and don’t know how to use.  None of these enrich my life.  The accumulated effect of all of them, though, weighs me down, robs me of peace in my home, and makes our home feel cluttered.

There are other sources of clutter too.  Hurts, fears, frustrations, irritations, stress, anxiety, weariness, pride, anger, resentments, bitterness.  Things we often choose to hang onto, sometimes for an entire lifetime.  But none of which enrich our lives.  

We’re going through the rooms of our house right now, one room at a time, sorting and organizing, figuring out where things came from, and whether they’re still useful or not. And if not, working at getting rid of them.  De-cluttering our house.  Giving away that which can be useful to someone else, and throwing away that which has outlasted its usefulness to anyone.  Room by room we’re making headway.  Creating order out of chaos.  Once again working to make our house more peaceful.  And when we’re done with all the rooms of our house it will probably be time to start the process over again.  Room by room, de-cluttering the house, again.  

As for that other stuff, the emotional stuff, there’s clutter we need to get rid of there, too. Sorting and organizing,  figuring out where things even came from.  And if they’re not useful, working on getting rid of them.  Getting rid of the stress, the fears, the frustrations, the irritations, the old hurts, the anxiety, the weariness, the anger, the resentments, the bitterness. All of it.  It’s just clutter.  Things we’ve chosen to hang onto, which haven’t enriched our lives.